Various events and levels of meh.

My internet never actually got turned off.  I just haven't been in the mood to say much.

I got a new job finally, after eight months of being destitute.  It's in collections.  I'm not thrilled.  I never would have even looked twice at it under normal circumstances, but things haven't been normal for awhile now.  I'll say this much, the people are friendly.  Just about everyone I've met has tried to make me feel welcome, which is cool.  My boss seems like he could have the propensity to be a bit of a dick but who knows, maybe not.  The job though, I've sat for the last two days asking myself over and over if I really think I can even handle this.  It's all rhetorical, of course.  I'm stuck here for now; if I quit within the first three months they can knock my pay down to minimum wage for any hours worked, so I could technically end up owing them money.  That's how fucked I was, I actually agreed to such an insane arrangement.

My friend who was ignoring me (third paragraph; don't bother with the rest, I was unbelievably depressed that night) is still ignoring me, and now so are three others.  This is after one, who used to call me every day and talk to me for at least two hours, dropped me like a bad habit.  Or another who was messaging me non-stop who simply disappeared.   So that's six total:  F, L, K, L2, E and A.  All of them women I met online in internet forums.  No idea why I'm suddenly persona non grata, except for L2, the phone caller.  She doesn't talk to me anymore because of two internet forums having a pissing match with each other-- she chose Forum X, I chose Forum Y (which I regret immensely and have since quit the place).  Now she no longer speaks to me.  If that sounds completely dumb and immature, it is.  But in the age of the internet all sorts of new drama seems to have erupted.  Ten minutes on Encyclopedia Dramatica will confirm this.  

The others though I don't get.  E and K were crazy about me, at least they acted like they were.  I haven't been able to get a hold of E (the text/IM queen) since February.  K I still see online but she's not even responding to my emails.  At least F, the girl I wrote about before, had the decency to respond.  Though come to think of it, if F really is just pretending not to know who I am, maybe it wasn't so decent after all.  A is a chick from back home who was just fun to talk to.  I think she might be like L2, a Forum X person who's turned her back on me.  Again, it bites but I'll live.  L...I could write an entire other blog about L.  She was much more special to me than she should have been.  I've said in the past how much I can't stand poetry, yet one night I actually wrote one about this girl.  Of course I don't want to call it a poem, but that's what the fucker is.  It's like I couldn't find another way to express my feelings about her.  I take a little bit of solace in the fact that she and F (they're roommates) aren't only ignoring me, they're ignoring all the mutual acquaintances we had as well.  But still, the three of us were always closer to each other than any of them.  I thought if there was anyone they'd still want to talk to it'd be me.  Guess not.    

I wish it didn't matter to me.  These are just girls on the internet after all.  The chances of me ever meeting any of them were always slim.  Still, I had what you could call "unique online relationships" with three of these girls (and yes, that means exactly what you think it does), so to go from getting dirty instant messages and naked pics to zero communication, how could it not affect me?  What the hell happened?  

I'm reading this back to myself and it's a jumbled mess.  Good thing this is 'just some guy rambling' and not 'just some guy making well constructed and coherent points.'

Fuck.  I should be in bed now.

It's not all bad though.  I've downloaded a bunch of movies, a couple of games, some music. a shit ton of porn.  Charley Chase is the closest I'll ever get to seeing Darian Caine do hardcore, unless Darian Caine has actually done hardcore in which case somebody please let me know.  Paris Kennedy, I just discovered her last night.  She does a lot of weird fetish stuff, which normally I wouldn't get into, but she's hot and her voice...it's nice to know she can do more with her throat than just suck a mean dick.  And I mean that in the nicest way.  If you love your penis as much as I do these two ladies are highly recommended. 

Speaking of weird fetish porn, the same page I was looking at most of the Paris Kennedy stuff on, I looked around to see what else they offered and sweet fucking Christ, do people get off on some weird shit.  Girls in high heels crushing crickets?  Simulated necrophilia?   Dudes jerk off to this shit?  I take back 80% of the negative thoughts I've had about myself now.  

Oh yeah, and for what it's worth, I searched for Natalie from Big Brother 9 again tonight for the hell of it and finally found some decent topless/naked pics from the show.    w00t.  I gotta get a DVR so I can start grabbing all the After Dark stuff, there was plenty I missed last season and BB10 starts in a couple of weeks.  Who knows what sort of magical slutty babes CBS will bestow upon us this time?  Oh, the adventure begins again!  Hooray!

Awww. It's nice to end on a positive note for a change.  

She loves coffee, bikinis, and God. And acting like a slut.

I dig Big Brother.  At least I usually do.  That's why when I saw this season the houseguests were going to get paired up and play as teams I thought, "Cool, that's new.  That's different."  And at first it was awesome.  See, the other thing they did this season was get all these young studs and babes (and one old chick, but she was in Penthouse twenty years ago so you know, give her a pass) so of course that immediately led to girls getting naked and dudes getting up in each other's faces in macho pissing contests.  I was happy.  I was serene.  I was pissed because the camera operators are obviously gay and more often than not turning away when the chicks are stripping and focusing on a dude's abs.  But mostly the first two.  

Then something happened.  It got boring.  It got boring real fucking quick.  I was still tuning in but instead of watching it obsessively like I did last season it was just sort of on in the background while I did other stuff.  Even the After Dark stuff on Showtime wasn't really holding my attention.  Yeah, it's starting to get interesting again, now that the teams have split up, everyone's playing for themselves, and most of the dead weight's been dropped leaving only the stronger players.  But that's not really why I've kept with it as long as I have.  As boring as this season as been I've stuck with Big Brother 9 for two reasons.  See if you can guess what they are.

(Hint:  It's not her personality or warm smile.)

Yes.  Natalie, the "bikini barista" from Oregon.  I fucking love this bitch.  

Painter.  Aspiring actress.  Hooters Girl.  Model.  Cute.  Dumb as a box of hammers but smart enough to buy herself a pair of 34C's and constantly show them off much to me and my crotch's delight.  And of course, "good Christian."

"And lo, the young woman did fellate the cucumber.  And it was good."

That's in the King James version.

Okay, maybe not.  But check this out.

Clearly she is giving of herself unto others here.  I feel the spirit running through me even now.  It's centered in my pants.

Should you still doubt her commitment however, Natalie has proven she knows how to show true love and compassion to her fellow man, which she aptly demonstrated by blowing her partner before the second episode of the show even aired.

In all seriousness, CBS needs to give untold amounts of thanks and praise to this girl's choice of tight low-cut tops and slut-tastic attitude.  Natalie Curinal, I salute you.  Or at least I will once I have a free hand.

(Bonus:  Here's a huge directory of photos and caps from the show; should get updated until she gets evicted.)