She loves coffee, bikinis, and God. And acting like a slut.

I dig Big Brother.  At least I usually do.  That's why when I saw this season the houseguests were going to get paired up and play as teams I thought, "Cool, that's new.  That's different."  And at first it was awesome.  See, the other thing they did this season was get all these young studs and babes (and one old chick, but she was in Penthouse twenty years ago so you know, give her a pass) so of course that immediately led to girls getting naked and dudes getting up in each other's faces in macho pissing contests.  I was happy.  I was serene.  I was pissed because the camera operators are obviously gay and more often than not turning away when the chicks are stripping and focusing on a dude's abs.  But mostly the first two.  

Then something happened.  It got boring.  It got boring real fucking quick.  I was still tuning in but instead of watching it obsessively like I did last season it was just sort of on in the background while I did other stuff.  Even the After Dark stuff on Showtime wasn't really holding my attention.  Yeah, it's starting to get interesting again, now that the teams have split up, everyone's playing for themselves, and most of the dead weight's been dropped leaving only the stronger players.  But that's not really why I've kept with it as long as I have.  As boring as this season as been I've stuck with Big Brother 9 for two reasons.  See if you can guess what they are.

(Hint:  It's not her personality or warm smile.)

Yes.  Natalie, the "bikini barista" from Oregon.  I fucking love this bitch.  

Painter.  Aspiring actress.  Hooters Girl.  Model.  Cute.  Dumb as a box of hammers but smart enough to buy herself a pair of 34C's and constantly show them off much to me and my crotch's delight.  And of course, "good Christian."

"And lo, the young woman did fellate the cucumber.  And it was good."

That's in the King James version.

Okay, maybe not.  But check this out.

Clearly she is giving of herself unto others here.  I feel the spirit running through me even now.  It's centered in my pants.

Should you still doubt her commitment however, Natalie has proven she knows how to show true love and compassion to her fellow man, which she aptly demonstrated by blowing her partner before the second episode of the show even aired.

In all seriousness, CBS needs to give untold amounts of thanks and praise to this girl's choice of tight low-cut tops and slut-tastic attitude.  Natalie Curinal, I salute you.  Or at least I will once I have a free hand.

(Bonus:  Here's a huge directory of photos and caps from the show; should get updated until she gets evicted.)