"...The second single from Peter Gabriel's 1992 album, Us."

I was on a message board about a month ago and while I couldn't tell you the whole conversation note for note it went basically like this.

"That remake of [whatever it was] is going to suck."

"White people:  Ruining Asian film for over twenty years."

"American Godzilla = epic fail."

"Poor Matthew Broderick."

"Ferris Bueller was the bomb in Project X."

"Shock the Monkey!"

So of course I had to go find some Peter Gabriel.  I ended up downloading Hit, which is two discs: 'Hit' (guess what's on here) and 'Miss,' which is the stuff he did that either he or critics thought was super but nobody else gave a shit about.  Anyway, I'm listening to "Steam" now and I noticed for the first time it says it's the "radio edit."  At six minutes?  Jesus, really?  How long is the original cut then?  I'm calling bullshit.  Time to turn to the most authoritative voice on any subject.

And the truth shall set you free. 

(By the way, the video is a minute shorter.) 

FEAST/A place to unwind.

I keep a separate blog at another site.  It's under my real name, and people I know in real life read it.  So I often feel, and this is going to sound dumb but fuck it, 'obligated' to put my best foot forward.  Try to have a point, try to be clever, try to be entertaining.  Don't get into subjects that might be considered depressing unless there's going to be some sort of uplifting/humorous bent to it at the end.  Don't write about anything perverse or overly weird, no matter how into it I might be at the moment.  Basically the Reader's Digest version of my life.

Which is why this place is such a breath of fresh air.  I can post about any damn thing I want.  That chick on Big Brother with no brains but superbly enhanced tits?  Done.  My recent downloading binge of vintage 70's European porn?  We'll get to it.  That Snickers commercial I love where all the dudes sing "Greensleeves?"  Bam.

Complete and utter freedom to talk about meaningless bullshit for no other reason than I like to see myself type.  That is why I'm here, and I love it.  

Smile and nod.

On Tuesday a friend of mine will have her first book published, a collection of poetry.  Now as a rule I'm not a fan of poetry.  In fact I'd go so far as to say I hate the entire genre in general, but over the years there have been a few authors or pieces I've managed to come away appreciating.  (Plus, if you count Shakespeare as poetry, that dude was pretty on the ball.)  Unfortunately this is not the case with my friend.  I've tried my damnedest to enjoy her work on any and every level, and the most I can come away with is that it's usually well spaced and all the punctuation is correct.  I'm sure it's my natural aversion to anything that rhymes but lacks a beat for me to dance to, on the other hand I'd be curious to hear what someone who knows their iambic pentameter from their sonnets has to say about it.

Anyway, she's giving a reading at a local bookstore and has asked all her friends to attend.  I am proud of what she's accomplished-- getting published is a big deal-- and I do want to be there as her friend.  But not only is this going to be a lengthy reading, without going into detail it's also centered around a subject I'd just as soon not dwell on.  So the question I face now is, do I go, sit through what could well be a very uncomfortable time for me, then stand up and clap and hug her and tell her what a great job she's done?  Do I, in short, smile and nod?  

Yeah, probably.  Fuck I hate having a conscience.  

All kids out of the pool.

This is the opening theme song for the anime version of 'Death Note' that's airing on Adult Swim now.  

The full version of the song is here if you're into screaming and loud noises.  

I used to work in a video store right about the time anime was starting to get noticed and it always amazed me when parents would pick up something like Akira or Ninja Scroll with the intention of buying it for their kids, thinking it must be fine because it was a cartoon, even if the cover/back of the box did note the nudity and graphic violence contained therein.  Hell, my stepfather bought me Legend of the Overfiend when I was only 14.  (If you've never seen LotO, two words:  Tentacle rape.)  I wonder if that still goes on?  I mean something called 'Death Note' is bound to raise at least a couple of eyebrows, but even 'Naruto' and 'BLEACH' aren't really what you'd call tame and they seem to bring the youngin's running.  

My guess though is that for the most part (there'll always be exceptions), we've pretty much seen the last generation of kids who are going to get away with seeing naughty bits and exploding heads just because they happen to animated.  The people my age who are having children grew up with 'Batman: The Animated Series,' 'Ren & Stimpy,' 'Beavis & Butthead' and 'Aeon Flux.'  We've learned that animation isn't just for the 12 and under crowd anymore; it can be just as powerful a storytelling medium as regular film or television, and it can also be filled with nipples, fart jokes and shit blowing up.

But don't worry, youth of tomorrow.  You'll still have the internet to fulfill your desire for all the illicit forbidden things you're not supposed to know about yet.  Just think, in another twenty years you'll be able to tell your own kids how people used to think '2 Girls 1 Cup' was shocking.  Progress is awesome like that.  Sort of. 

"Saturday Night Lizzive"

They're repeating the Ellen Page/Wilco episode of SNL tonight. I could go into a whole other thing about how SNL does four weeks of shows after coming off a five month break and that's supposed to be a big deal but I won't. Anyway, first off: Fuck Wilco. I don't care how much Pitchfork or NME or whoever else wants to rim them and remind me of their indie cred, they're fucking boring.  

Speaking of indie cred, Ellen Page.  Ellen Page, Ellen Page, Ellen Page.  Oh how I adore thee, my little Canadian kitten.  I could totally understand how Jason Bateman would want want to commit adultery with you in Juno.  You were Kitty Pryde in the last X-Men movie, and I've always had a hard-on for that matter phasing Jewish princess.  Even in Hard Candy I thought you were hot.  Sure, I know you were playing a 14 year old, but I also know you were 19 at the time so it's cool.

But back to Juno for a minute.  Now I liked the movie, but part of it never felt real to me.  I'm not talking about the near complete absence of black people in Juno's high school-- I've only been to Minnesota once, but judging by my experience there I'm willing to buy into that concept-- no, what I'm talking about is the dialogue.  Do 16 year old girls living in what looks to be suburban Minnesota honestly say things like "I blog to differ?" Do they watch Dario Argento films and listen to Iggy and the Stooges?  I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if there are any such girls, they are few and far, far between.   

I don't know.  Maybe I'm cynical.  Maybe with the advent of the internet and music and movies and hipster slang being only a click away, things are different from when I was sixteen and the sassy, independent girls only had Tori Amos or Nine Inch Nails to turn to for their sassy, independent needs.  Whatever the case, I could never quite believe that a character like Juno could truly exist.  She was simply too cool, hamburger phone and all.  

Or was that the point?  Is Juno supposed to be an alternative to the Miley Cyruses and Paris Hiltonettes of the world?  To show that in an age of La Lohans and Britneys there are still ladies bringing intelligence and humor to the table?  Because we already--

Hold on. Wilco's on again. Let me mute the TV.

Okay.

Because we already know that.  That's what Tina Fey and Sarah Silverman are for.  Maybe only Sarah Silverman from the neck down though.  She looks too much like her brother.  It's like watching a Bizarro version of Weekend at Bernie's where the hero has nice boobs and sings about fucking Matt Damon.

Point is, Ellen, if your role in Juno was in any way at all supposed to help usher in a new era of smart, hip, and funny young women in cinema, that's awesome and I hope it's a sign of things to come.  Having said that, I still hate you for dropping out of the new Sam Raimi film.  I don't care if Spider-Man 3 killed the franchise or not, that motherfucker directed Army of Darkness.  Hail to the king, bitch. 

She loves coffee, bikinis, and God. And acting like a slut.

I dig Big Brother.  At least I usually do.  That's why when I saw this season the houseguests were going to get paired up and play as teams I thought, "Cool, that's new.  That's different."  And at first it was awesome.  See, the other thing they did this season was get all these young studs and babes (and one old chick, but she was in Penthouse twenty years ago so you know, give her a pass) so of course that immediately led to girls getting naked and dudes getting up in each other's faces in macho pissing contests.  I was happy.  I was serene.  I was pissed because the camera operators are obviously gay and more often than not turning away when the chicks are stripping and focusing on a dude's abs.  But mostly the first two.  

Then something happened.  It got boring.  It got boring real fucking quick.  I was still tuning in but instead of watching it obsessively like I did last season it was just sort of on in the background while I did other stuff.  Even the After Dark stuff on Showtime wasn't really holding my attention.  Yeah, it's starting to get interesting again, now that the teams have split up, everyone's playing for themselves, and most of the dead weight's been dropped leaving only the stronger players.  But that's not really why I've kept with it as long as I have.  As boring as this season as been I've stuck with Big Brother 9 for two reasons.  See if you can guess what they are.

(Hint:  It's not her personality or warm smile.)

Yes.  Natalie, the "bikini barista" from Oregon.  I fucking love this bitch.  

Painter.  Aspiring actress.  Hooters Girl.  Model.  Cute.  Dumb as a box of hammers but smart enough to buy herself a pair of 34C's and constantly show them off much to me and my crotch's delight.  And of course, "good Christian."

"And lo, the young woman did fellate the cucumber.  And it was good."

That's in the King James version.

Okay, maybe not.  But check this out.

Clearly she is giving of herself unto others here.  I feel the spirit running through me even now.  It's centered in my pants.

Should you still doubt her commitment however, Natalie has proven she knows how to show true love and compassion to her fellow man, which she aptly demonstrated by blowing her partner before the second episode of the show even aired.

In all seriousness, CBS needs to give untold amounts of thanks and praise to this girl's choice of tight low-cut tops and slut-tastic attitude.  Natalie Curinal, I salute you.  Or at least I will once I have a free hand.

(Bonus:  Here's a huge directory of photos and caps from the show; should get updated until she gets evicted.)

I woke up at 5 PM today.

And said, "Okay.  Today's the day.  Let's do this shit."  

So here we go.